Lust, porn, body and shame - what can you talk to a sexologist about?

Did you know that Samskipnaden has a sexologist who you can book an appointment with? Here you can talk about everything you are wondering about related to your sexuality.

If you book an appointment for sexologist counseling, you will meet Vibeke Høydahl. She works as a student counselor and sexologist counselor in Harstad. The offer applies to all students at UiT, and if you study in Tromsø, Alta, Narvik or Hammerfest, you can take advantage of the offer via video.

- The reason why I chose to train as a sexologist was that in my job as a student counselor, I noticed that the topic of sexual health was rarely brought up, says Vibeke.

- I thought that was a bit strange since sexual health is connected to our mental and physical health. I thought that if the offer became available, it would be used - which I was right about, she says.

If you book an appointment with Vibeke, she starts the conversation by getting “straight to the point”.

- I start by saying: “Hi, so nice to see you. You have booked an appointment for sexological counseling – What can I help you with?” The students know what they have booked an appointment for, and many are probably a little extra nervous about the first conversation. My experience is that they find it a relief when I generalize their challenges, that there is little side-talk, and that we stick to the topic that is being brought up, she says.

Many issues are addressed: Desire, performance, erection, challenges in relationships, porn, arousal patterns, sexual debut, sexual pressure, body, shame, sex and religion, gender identity and gender diversity, and everything else that deals with sexual health.

- It is good that students book an appointment before the problems are perceived as too big, says Vibeke. - If there is something specific the student is wondering about, that he or she has gotten a little stuck or they have some specific concerns, then a single hour may be enough. If there are bigger challenges, I will contact the student over time. We agree on how the contact will be going forward after the first hour. Since it is online booking, it is easy to get an appointment, and the waiting time is short, she explains.

The distribution between genders is quite even, but there are possibly slightly more men than women who book an appointment.

- It turns out that those students who have challenges in their relationships rarely communicate about what they can do together to establish a good sex life. Talking together and exploring each other about what is good sex feels unfamiliar and small to many. In couples' therapy, we talk about this together, Vibeke says.

- A recurring theme for women is communicating about their own needs, or taking more space and getting to know their sexuality. Men may feel burdened by the fact that they spend a lot of time on porn and that they find it difficult to relate to a “real” sexual partner, she says. Vibeke emphasizes that the most important thing for her is not to cause anyone shame, but to try to find solutions so the students feel better about themselves. - Much of my job involves normalizing and reassuring the students that there is nothing wrong with them and that many others struggle with the same thing, she says.

- The best thing is that the students take their sexual health and pleasure seriously. I am committed to the students finding out what they like, through exploration – alone or with others, she says.

Vibeke emphasizes the importance of being concerned with having healthy and good sexual health in the same way that students are concerned with a proper diet and sufficient exercise.

- As I said, sexual health has a major impact on our health, both physical and mental, she points out.

As a student, you may wonder when you should see a sexological counselor. Vibeke's tip is this:

If you are curious about something related to your sexual health, if you have a problem, or if you notice that you are not in touch with your sexuality, it is a good idea to get in touch. It is important to point out that students do not need to have any problems to get in touch. This is a low-threshold service where the goal is to improve students' sexual health.